love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize