____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
