We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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