I want to walk on stilts...naked
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
