I just pynch a tree in the face
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
