So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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