We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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