My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
