I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
