i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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