Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
