mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
