If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize