y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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