just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just found puke in my bra..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
