I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
