I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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