And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
