That's intense
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
