My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
