Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm like, not good at living.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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