The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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