remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
