You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
