chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize