pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize