Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
