the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
