went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
