So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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