you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
