I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
