this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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