She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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