I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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