some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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