The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
