I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
