No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
