so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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