dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
