he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
