I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
