did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
3 2 1 whiskey
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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