i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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