The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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