Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
