I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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