we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
