Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
