If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
