Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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