So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
