sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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