I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
