i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize