Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
