She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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