She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
