theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
