I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
