this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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