dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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