guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
